I know that I'll always have questions, but I don't want to question my faith in myself ever again. I don't want to doubt for a second that I have a place out there - and I suppose that's something that comes with time, with practice and with experience.
Ah Wil!! Wil, you are always inspiring.
But as Wil so presciently notes, this kind of confidence isn't built overnight. It's built by pushing yourself to try things you never thought you could do, like, say, for instance, running a marathon! (Or in her case, an awesome triathalon.)
My nine miles flew by this morning, as you all knew they would and I was fine, and what the hell was I so worried about anyway? and you were all right, as usual. And as Susan, another voice of reason, often reminds me: "If not for the bad days, the good days would seem blah, right?" Yep, right.
I ran with the "group" this morning, and it was good. My usual running partner did not show up, and hasn't replied to e-mails this week. Don't know if she's dropped out or not. It's been a week like that—people dropping out of my orbit, feelings getting hurt, accompanied by a heapin' helpin' of excessive worrying about many more things than deserve worrying.
And speaking of worrying, since I'm nowhere near no longer questioning my ability (obviously), I thought I'd share some info I read this morning that fed into my self-doubt as sure as slugs feed on strawberries (they do, you know).
Cool Running sponsors a Jeff Galloway bulletin board, and yikes, it's mean in there!! Apparently, a whole lotta people think that "Gallowalking" is a sham and if you can't run a marathon without taking walk breaks, you a) shouldn't be out there, and b) definitely should not be claiming you "ran" anything.
The AIDS Marathon Training Program recommends different run/walk ratios depending on your training pace: In the interest of full disclosure, my ratio is 3:1 (run 3 minutes/walk 1) at a 13:30 minute mile pace, so that's what I do on Saturdays. On my maintenance runs, I run four miles without walking at an average 11-min mile pace. But four miles is waaay different than 26.2.
One of the posters referenced this article, "From Couch Potato to Ironman," one woman's chronology of her first marathon, (umm, sounds familiar), and then pointed to a bulletin board of 10—10!!!— pages of really nasty comments about this woman, all from "real" runners, who were all beating this woman up for being underprepared (she kinda was), and well, not make the wisest choices during her first marathon (she kinda didn't). And, of course, for walking.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it: read and comment.
(And yeah, I kinda already know the answer to this.)
Addendum to yesterday's post: Jeanne, first, please do us all a favor and stop reading (and certainly stop linking to!) unbelievably negative people who can only bring you down and make you doubt yourself. Hey, did you actually read WIL's quote you so prominently posted as your first paragraph (see above)??
In the same post, (in the space of like one hour), you went from feeling good about yourself to letting these self-aggrandized morons (who by the way are total strangers) make you feel ... just wrong. What is WITH you?
One day, grasshopper, you will learn. You really will. I promise.