TaskForce Undercover Replace Dreadmill

I asked the person in charge of our fitness room and classes at work (yes we have them ... provided at company expense ... how cool is that??) how one might go about replacing the treadmill that was bought sometime during FDR's administration. Because that's probably why he ended up in a wheelchair, from using this thing. How old is it?? It's so old...it can remember when the Dead Sea was just ill. Ba-da-bum.

Employee-in-charge of fitness suggested those interested form a taskforce, scope out interest, price some treadmills, and go from there.

Step One: Form taskforce. I e-mail a few likely candidates to see if they are intersted in replacing the treadmill. Heck yes! And are they willing to be on a taskforce?? Um, no freakin' way. Willing to name the taskforce? Whatever. I carry on without them, coming up with fancy taskforce name: T.U.R.D.

Step Two: Assess interest. I cajole a runner-type employee to send a company wide e-mail, since everyone declines that honor as well. She sends this:

"Some of us runner-types are looking at our fitness equipment, and would like to take a look first at the treadmill. If you're not a runner, please disregard this message, and go about your day. BUT, if you are a runner, it would help us if you answered these few questions:

1. Do you use the treadmill?

2. If you don't use the treadmill, why not?

3. What features would you like in a new treadmill?

4. Do you think we should look into replacing it?

Thanks!
Madame X"

Madame X got quite a few responses. Well, maybe 10. Out of 100 people. Here's a sampling (quotes have been changed to protect the innocent):

"I've used the treadmill a few times. The main reason I don't is that I far prefer running outside. As far as the unit goes, I've never had any problems with it, including once about two weeks ago when I ran on it."

Hello?? Can you follow the freakin' format?? And yeah, we all prefer running outside, except when we can't. Sigh.

or this:

"I occasionally use the treadmill, such as in bad weather & when I can't make a class. Is it not working correctly, or somehow deficient? Since it sounds like a big-ticket item, I'd want to make sure we've the gym new floor, class-related equipment, and instructors paid for first."

I mean, kudos to you for looking out for the bottom line and all, but form your own damn committee about the rest of that stuff. And while you're at it, try answering the questions!

Then there was this:

"Sorry, I can't help it, but if you get around to the eliptical machine, please consider replacing it with a Precor. Either the kind with the swingy arms or the one without."

I object!! Irrelevant and immaterial!

or this:

"1.yes
2.laziness
3.monitor (television not heartrate)
4.don't know"

Finally, someone who can follow directions.

Step Three: Disband T.U.R.D. Return to work.

Now, we have this really crappy free coffee here ...