Tuesday, February 28, 2006

TaskForce Undercover Replace Dreadmill

I asked the person in charge of our fitness room and classes at work (yes we have them ... provided at company expense ... how cool is that??) how one might go about replacing the treadmill that was bought sometime during FDR's administration. Because that's probably why he ended up in a wheelchair, from using this thing. How old is it?? It's so old...it can remember when the Dead Sea was just ill. Ba-da-bum.

Employee-in-charge of fitness suggested those interested form a taskforce, scope out interest, price some treadmills, and go from there.

Step One: Form taskforce. I e-mail a few likely candidates to see if they are intersted in replacing the treadmill. Heck yes! And are they willing to be on a taskforce?? Um, no freakin' way. Willing to name the taskforce? Whatever. I carry on without them, coming up with fancy taskforce name: T.U.R.D.

Step Two: Assess interest. I cajole a runner-type employee to send a company wide e-mail, since everyone declines that honor as well. She sends this:
"Some of us runner-types are looking at our fitness equipment, and would like to take a look first at the treadmill. If you're not a runner, please disregard this message, and go about your day. BUT, if you are a runner, it would help us if you answered these few questions:

1. Do you use the treadmill?

2. If you don't use the treadmill, why not?

3. What features would you like in a new treadmill?

4. Do you think we should look into replacing it?

Madame X"
Madame X got quite a few responses. Well, maybe 10. Out of 100 people. Here's a sampling (quotes have been changed to protect the innocent):
"I've used the treadmill a few times. The main reason I don't is that I far prefer running outside. As far as the unit goes, I've never had any problems with it, including once about two weeks ago when I ran on it."
Hello?? Can you follow the freakin' format?? And yeah, we all prefer running outside, except when we can't. Sigh.

or this:
"I occasionally use the treadmill, such as in bad weather & when I can't make a class. Is it not working correctly, or somehow deficient? Since it sounds like a big-ticket item, I'd want to make sure we've the gym new floor, class-related equipment, and instructors paid for first."
I mean, kudos to you for looking out for the bottom line and all, but form your own damn committee about the rest of that stuff. And while you're at it, try answering the questions!

Then there was this:
"Sorry, I can't help it, but if you get around to the eliptical machine, please consider replacing it with a Precor. Either the kind with the swingy arms or the one without."
I object!! Irrelevant and immaterial!

or this:
3.monitor (television not heartrate)
4.don't know"
Finally, someone who can follow directions.

Step Three: Disband T.U.R.D. Return to work.

Now, we have this really crappy free coffee here ...


Christine said...

Ha! That's so funny.

Black Knight said...

Better you buy a treadmill by yourself! No questionary to fill, no commitees, no complaints and it is yours!

nancytoby said...

You can just report that "Employees were surveyed, respondents given the opportunity to provide appropriate feedback, and the task force recommends purchase of a new treadmill Brand X" (whatever Brand X is), available at YYY for $ZZZ.

Good luck!!

Stephanie said...

Bummer! Why couldn't they humor you, really?! Some day there is going to be this big ice storm in D.C. and every one will want to run inside and you can say, I told you so!

Rachell said...

oh, you just made me miss the really bad coffee. and the hot chocolate that scalds your taste buds right off. wahhh.


tallgirl said...

Ha! Yes! Destroy the treadmill! Bring out the axes, the chainsaws, and the sledgehammers. Start the bonfire. Screw everyone else! They don't know nothin'.

Madame X
(BTW-Jeanne, I LIKE that name!)

P.S. I asked the respondent "who can follow directions" to resubmit her survey, because I didn't approve of her answers to questions 2 and 4. This is what I got:
1. yes
2. afraid of treads and the mills thereof.
3. monitor (television not heartrate)
5. pineapple
She's funny. We like her.

Kim said...

I agree with Nancy...just do some research...and submit...the commitee did it...they don't need to know the commitee was you.
Runner's World just evaluated treadmill in a recent article...bet they have it online...start there. :)
Have a good one.

21st Century Mom said...

Here's one for T.U.R.D! Indeed you should just proceed with some good bs and a recommendation. What's the worst that can happen?

ps - thanks for the laugh.

susie said...

So funny. Yeah, I hate people who have opinions but won't do anything to participate except cause problems. But I'm still salivating over your office workout room and classes. So jealous.

Elle said...

You know what bugs me...people who respond to those things by saying..."this doesn't really bother me because I don't use it...but let me tell you about something that is 'all about me' and maybe you can fix that too"....idiots.

Be a change agent girlfriend...if not you...then who? If you pay the same I do monthly to go to that crappy gym...you deserve it.

a.maria said...

love it.

go T.U.R.D.... i say research treadmills yourself anyway, and submit to the "committee"... with all the work done already, they might just cave?!

Rae said...

That's hilarious!! Things like that are why I think Office Space and The Office are just TOO close to real life.

You should still look into new treadmills. I'm sure all those deadbeats would use it like gangbusters.