Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dear Running

I've tried.

I've really really tried.

I've done
every
thing
you
have
ever
asked.


I've done EVERY. THING. YOU'VE. ASKED.

No matter how outrageous.

And what do I get back??

I get out of breath. I get 11 minute plus miles. My leg hurts. My foot hurts. Sometimes I get 14 min miles (but that's only when it really counts).

When do you start pulling your weight? WHEN? How long must I beat my head against the wall?

You've told me to run at a "conversational pace." Alternatively, you've told me that to run faster, I have to run faster. You've told me to pay attention to my body (associative). You've told me to tune my body out and pay attention to my surroundings (dissociative). You told me to run with an iPod. You've told me to run without an iPod.

You'll say anything apparently, won't you? Cuz that's what YOUR KIND does best. You lying, cheating dog.

I don't ask for much.

I don't need to set any speed records.

Just a few 9 min miles.

Or how about we compromise: I run three miles and you make it, oh, I don't know, how about, say, ENJOYABLE???

This is your final warning.

And then? I'm gonna kick your ass.

Bastard!

Until you shape up, you know where to find me.

Not amused,

Jeanne

13 comments:

peter said...

Off with the cool kids. Running's feeling a li'l jilted here. It's true though, when you're tired running, you can't just sit down in the seat. Bicycling will take you home. Only grit gets you home in running.

Runner Susan said...

Jeanne, don't make me come and hurt you with that DARK SIDE stick.

Try running naked down the street at noon on a Sunday. I'll bet you get some 9 minute miles in then.

LBTEPA said...

Oh my, what an impressive tanty! Has the dummy landed yet?
(((hugs)))

David said...

My dear dear Jeanne,
Have you not come to know the pain? Have you not come to know it so well that you can anticipate it, welcome it, simply relax and ENJOY it? In a relaxed state the pain becomes your friend and the tenths just fly by (at 9:30 pace). Is that good enough for ya?
Love,
Running

BettyBetty said...

I am sure you don't need anymore advice but here is my 2 cents: run regularly with a person who is slightly faster for pacing. It sounds like you are running in your comfort zone. You need to be pulled out of it to see improvement. Since I am a cyclist I can only apply what I do on the bike to get faster. It hurts but it works.

21stCenturyMom said...

Grasshoppah - some days you are the dog, some days you are the hydrant.

Perseverance furthers.

Phil said...

Running's a bitch ain't it.

Only ... there's nothing like it so we just keep running and running and running.

warriorwoman said...

I need to nick your letter and send it to my running, I wonder if it will pay attention.

Vickie said...

Jeanne, hang in there. Much as I would like to tell you that you will magically get faster (you will), it will continue to be a struggle. I've been to the fast side, left the fast side, tried to come back to the fast side, and finally had to concede. Now I'm happy to get 11 min. miles, and odd as it seems, my runs after a bike always go much better and somewhat faster. Go figure. Maybe you can trick your legs by riding for 15 min. to warm up and see what happens? Not trying to put that age factor in there, but I'm feeling it myself. So often we get caught up in trying to measure up to what others are doing (been there, done that) and what you think they think you should be doing (follow that??), but the truth is, whatever you do, as long as you do what you can is really going to be okay.

Vanilla said...

This is exactly how I felt about running yesterday.

Makes me think of John Mellencamp: Come on baby make it hurt so good,
Sometimes love dont feel like it should,
You make it hurt so good.

eileen said...

A brilliant post! And I clicked on every highlighted word, which made it super-hyper brilliant!! I think you are a genius.
As for Mr.Running, he's a part time lover.

IHateToast said...

i'm not happy with running right now either. maybe running is nasty to me because it's not getting the love from you? it's your fault.

Helen said...

I've just come across your blog via another blog via surfing... you know the deal. I'm book marking you. You have no idea how glad I am to know there is another "older" runner out there who can put into words exactly how I feel. Right now I am going through the marathon from hell training program. Basically, if it can go wrong, it has. I hate running right now but at the same time I don't know who to stop. It's like a very bad accident, I just can't look away. So, I've committed to the MCM this year and will probably come and run my worst time ever. At least I'll work in a nice visit with my daughter while I'm down there. Sigh.