I've really really tried.
I've done EVERY. THING. YOU'VE. ASKED.
No matter how outrageous.
And what do I get back??
I get out of breath. I get 11 minute plus miles. My leg hurts. My foot hurts. Sometimes I get 14 min miles (but that's only when it really counts).
When do you start pulling your weight? WHEN? How long must I beat my head against the wall?
You've told me to run at a "conversational pace." Alternatively, you've told me that to run faster, I have to run faster. You've told me to pay attention to my body (associative). You've told me to tune my body out and pay attention to my surroundings (dissociative). You told me to run with an iPod. You've told me to run without an iPod.
You'll say anything apparently, won't you? Cuz that's what YOUR KIND does best. You lying, cheating dog.
I don't ask for much.
I don't need to set any speed records.
Just a few 9 min miles.
Or how about we compromise: I run three miles and you make it, oh, I don't know, how about, say, ENJOYABLE???
This is your final warning.
And then? I'm gonna kick your ass.
Until you shape up, you know where to find me.