Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Morning After

Let's start by griping: First, how is it possible that a $19 oil change turns into $227??? Do these people see me coming, or what??

Second: Thanks for all your amazing, funny, uplifting, encouraging, warm-hearted comments. Really. Just awesome.

Third: Life. Does. Not. Change. After. A. Marathon. (See point first above.) After-marathon, I can safely say that I am no wiser*, no braver, not more organized, nor neater, thinner, or richer, than I was pre-marathon. And yes, I did suffer from thinking that some of these delusions might come to pass.


I am still me. And, still pondering the marathon and what it Meant.

I am proud, yes, but I'm also ... perplexed? annoyed? disappointed? embarassed? It's just the truth, that's how I feel. Right now.

I'm mad that I let myself get dehydrated. I'm mad that I didn't enjoy it more (though I enjoyed a whole lot of it). I'm mad that I didn't push myself to do more running and less walking. I'm mad that I didn't finish strong. I'm not talking about pushing myself to a five-hour finish, just a reasonable six-hour one. That was a totally do-able goal, and I'm not sure why it didn't happen, and yes, I know it really doesn't matter, I did an amazing thing. Still.

I've been ruminating about the whole run/walk training method. Five weeks ago, I thought it was just the most brilliant idea since high-def TV. Now, I'm not so sure (and I am talking solely about what's right for me, here). Yes, run/walk did allow me to finish. But I don't think I ever really learned to run. (Oh, just lent me vent, here, ok?!!)

So, if my body cooperates, I think that will be my next goal: to learn to run.

Even as I write this, I don't want to dis run/walk. It gave me an incredible experience: the training.

And I think that that's my main complaint, if I'm allowed to have one: the training was more exhilerating than the marathon was. And I'm really missing it.

So, as soon as I learn how to dress for running in the cold (suggestions welcome!) I'm going to follow this training plan that promises to get me ready to run a 10K.

*On second thought, I am actually a bit wiser. Here's what the marathon taught me, really: An amazing amount of people really care about me. And that is one mother of a humbling thought.


Stephanie said...

First, let me say that I can completely relate to your thoughts. While I didn't even train the walk/run method, I found myself walking at the end because I could no longer run. So I walked about 6 miles, maybe 7? And to make matters worse, mine wasn't even a real marathon. So I have a hard time with it, even now.

Anyhow, I have to say that running a marathon is about the finish, but it's also about getting there. You can't beat yourself up for completing a goal. Look at where you were last year. ( I don't know, but guessing from your blog, you weren't running a lot.) And even if you didn't RUN THE ENTIRE THING, you still finished a marathon. Guess what? You can do another one if you want, or, you never have to run another one again. But don't doubt yourself or your accomplishment.

a.maria said...

ahhhhh. i feel ya. i TOTALLY feel ya. the training was more exhilerating for me as well. after every long run i'd be like "hell yeah. i just ran 18 miles" and i'd be ontop of the world... and then i go and do a marathon and i'm like "meh. whatever.."

i think with time you'll get the "i am a marathoner" feeling, it just takes a while to let go of all the walking/timing issues.

mostly, though, i'm so glad to hear you'll still be running!!! hoorah!