Rejoice, Victory Is Mine (Updated)

Warning: The story you are about to read may, or may not, be accurate. The writer offers no warranties as to its veracity, because the people who run this event are apparently NOT on my timetable, and have yet to post results from 8:30 a.m. this morning. Sigh.

Update: So blogger has been down all day. In my moment of glory!! I'll never forgive them for this.

Place: George Washington Parkway, Alexandria, Belle Haven Park
Event: George Washington Parkway Classic
Time: 6:30 a.m.
Temp: Effin' cold


This is a point-to-point race, which means you must park and be bused to the start. Which means, if you forgot to pick up your packet the day before, because, let's just say, you were too lazy, then you must get up at 5:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, fiddle around waiting for things to develop, get your butt to Alexandria to board the shuttle bus early enough so that you can get to the start and get your bib and chip, all of which had to be done by 7:15 for an 8 a.m. start. (I know you all love the details.)

Which meant: I picked up bib and chip by 6:45, and then had to wait around in the cold.

Which meant: I got to pee like 47 times!! (I honestly do not know how it is humanly possibly to produce that much liquid in the space of an hour. I mean really.)

This race was nostalgic for me. It was the very first race I ever ran, back in 1999. I was 42. I had never run more than 2 miles in my life. I was certain I would never ever finish and that someone would have to pick me up. (Gee, some things never change, do they?)

Time in 1999:
38:14/12:14 min miles:
See? The proof!

Then I quit running for six years.

TODAY: Here is the totally completely and utterly unofficial time, which is too good to be true, but I can't stand not telling every single person I know (that means you, sorry), so by my watch:

31:13/10:03 min. miles

Update: Official Unofficial time:
(net) 31:08 (gun) 31:27 (pace) 10:08 min. mile (although we all know my NET time is what really counts. right? RIGHT?

Holy sweaty boobs, batman!!!

(I will cry when I have to add a minute to that when the official results come out. I. Will. Cry.)

It's mostly a flat course, a few uphills, but I felt like I was cruisin'. For once I didn't start at the wayback. I kept picking people I thought were going my speed (or a little faster) to follow, but then kept on passing them. Passing. Other people. Other fast people.

There were two water stops in three miles. I laugh at water stops. NO way was I stopping for water. A few seconds here, a few there, and the next thing you know you're running 12-minute miles!

At the finish, which was a long straightaway on the backstreets of Alexandria, I ran so fast I thought I would die. How is is this possible then?

Mile 1: 10:26
Mile 2, (f'd up watch, of course): 0:8
Rest of mile 2: 9:58 (oh, i got excited when I saw that...even though it wasn't real)
Mile 3.1: 10:39 (Here is where I KILLED MYSELF. I'm pretty sure my dead limp body is still laying around the finish line somewhere.. )

Let's briefly recap:
GW Parkway Classic, 1999, age 42: 38:14/12:14 min. miles
GW Parkway Classic, 2006, age 49: 31:13/10:03 min. miles
(July 4, 2005, 5K "Cure Autism Now"; age 48: 33:50/10:53)

Who said getting old sucks?