Thursday, April 13, 2006

I'm Breaking Up With E-Harmony

(It's not me, it's them. Repeat until trance begins.)

Dear e-harmony,

I joined forces with you three months ago, at a promotional three-month introductory price, with the promise that I might actually meet a man in the flesh. My soul-mate, you said!

Three months later, I am sad and disheartened.

You sent me five "potential" matches in three months. Three that I remember. First, there was Peter in Potomac (Pip, as I secretly called him). Pip and I went all the way with our "guided communications" (a series of questions and potential answers you choose and send to your match; he answers and sends you back his series of questions and potential answers. Etc.). All the way right up until we had to decide whether or not we wanted to exchange actual real, non-"guided" e-mails. Sadly, we never made it. Why not, you ask? (Now, you ask. Too late!) Here's why: Because it took Pip three weeks to respond to each of many, many "guided communications." If I want to sit by the computer and wait for some guy to e-mail me back, heck, I can get that for free, no problem!

Then, there was Eddie from Edgewater. He was in retail sales—very successful. But his profile. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie: The most influential person in your life simply, truly, honestly, surely cannot be your 10-year old son. Commendable and all that you think so highly of him, and that he matters so much to you, and I'm sure he's one swell kid, but unless he's Mother Theresa and Albert Schweitzer all rolled into one, I think he cannot be the most influential person in your life. Living OR dead. Could he? I guess I will never know.

Then, there was Al in Arlington. Al was an all-right guy. Entrepreneur. Very successful. Ready to move on to things more important than "just making money." Yeees! I truly admire that. Al wants more out of life ... Such as? Well, Al's favorite pastimes are 1) golf, and 2) watching sports on TV. Now, I've always wanted to learn how to play golf. But I didn't go and mention it 75 times on my profile. Dating Al: Welcome to golf and football widowhood. Why even start?

So, e-harmony, I took my membership off auto-renew today. It was hard (for you), but just like ripping off a bandaid, the pain only lasts a minute. No grudges, no hard feelings. I'm moving on ... to match.com!

Signed,

Jeanne (Back in Bethesda)

22 comments:

Tammy said...

Internet dating... ah, yes, I remember that phase well. never. never. never. again.

Bex said...

I STILL say you should've had coffee with Al. What could it hurt?! But then, I'm not the one who has to have coffee with the dude. Sigh. I know of two couples who met on the Internet and married. E. and I met one of the couples in Hawaii last summer. Very nice. The second couple deserve each other. The woman's overbearing and the man is a mouse.

jeanne said...

Al didn't reply fast enough! what can i say: I'm cheap! but I'm not easy. :)

Jon (was) in Michigan said...

A friend of mine met his wife through an online dating service. Match.com? Not sure. She lived about 5 miles from his house, and her name was three down from his in the phonebook. If you met them you would swear they were made for each other. It was pretty amazing.

He's out there, Jeanne. Just keep looking. :)

Elle said...

Coulda been worse...you could been matched with Uncle Uriah From Utah...

Anne said...

I love this post about modern dating. I've been to two weddings where the pair met through an online dating service and both remain happily married 10 years later. Don't give up!

Susan said...

HEE HEE - so funny. Hang in there . . . this modern dating stuff is tricky.

tallgirl said...

A guy who doesn't write you back right away (or not at all) is not worth waiting for. Life is too short. That's my motto. And I'm sticking to it.

Well, I'm trying to at least...

Good luck, Jeanne. Wanna go cruisin' for guys with me sometime?

Bex said...

Tallgirl: I thought you were spoken for .. ;-)

tallgirl said...

Bex: I am now a free agent.

Lora said...

I did em all...match.com waaaaaay back when, and eharmony before it was a hit. No luck there. But I do believe in them....new world dating. Whatever it takes. Dating is hard....when I decided to take a break from dating I met the right man....What the heck is that about???!!!!!

Mark I. said...

Jeanne, I just got my first look at your blogger profile pic. I LOVE that!!

21st Century Mom said...

Jeanne, I am the queen of internet dating. I have been dating men I met on the internet since it was possible to do so. Before that I met them through personals ads in the newspaper. I have used match.com and matchmaker.com, udate.com, nerve.com and eHarmony. Some of us are built for internet dating and some of us are not. eHarmony is just too expensive to be worth it. That having been said, I know 2 people who have met their spouses on eHarmony. It happens - just not to me or apparently, to you.

Some day our princes will come - they will.

Pamalamadingdong said...

Just keep swimming Just keep swimming
Have you considered dating Lesbians? Cause sometime? Men suck. (I said SOMETIMES guys! NOT ALWAYS...and almost NEVER when you ask)

Haight said...

Just want to say I'm a proud member of the 'Succesful Internet Connection Club'....over 2 1/2 years of bliss

Black Knight said...

Internet dating, I didn't have the time. I got married when I was only 22 and now I am 49! And the lovely Queen is always the same. Yes I know I am heroic.

Thomas said...

Dating, eh? Don't give up. In my view, love usually comes when you're least looking for it, which is why I thonk dating services are a waste of time and money.

Though personally I'm glad I don't have to go through that whole dating business again.

Rae said...

That is so funny!!! I'm sure somewhere out there he will find a woman who loves golf as much as he does!! HA!

*jeanne* said...

Happy Easter! :-)

Iron Benny said...

Can't say I've ever internet dated, but I can't say I was always a dating success story either. Internet or not, we all have our horror stories don't we.

a.maria said...

ha, see? everyone loves a fouled up love life.

i would give you oodles of good advice, but um... as a super single gal in the city, i feel as though i'm maybe not the one to be listening to!?!!

Liam said...

Like a few others, I have been been Internet dating for the last 5 years. It was somewhat bizarre at first, and I was nervous about meeting women this way, but hey, I had some great dates and have now met the woman of my dreams, and we have been together for nearly three years now. It can and will work, keep on trying :)