(It's not me, it's them. Repeat until trance begins.)
I joined forces with you three months ago, at a promotional three-month introductory price, with the promise that I might actually meet a man in the flesh. My soul-mate, you said!
Three months later, I am sad and disheartened.
You sent me five "potential" matches in three months. Three that I remember. First, there was Peter in Potomac (Pip, as I secretly called him). Pip and I went all the way with our "guided communications" (a series of questions and potential answers you choose and send to your match; he answers and sends you back his series of questions and potential answers. Etc.). All the way right up until we had to decide whether or not we wanted to exchange actual real, non-"guided" e-mails. Sadly, we never made it. Why not, you ask? (Now, you ask. Too late!) Here's why: Because it took Pip three weeks to respond to each of many, many "guided communications." If I want to sit by the computer and wait for some guy to e-mail me back, heck, I can get that for free, no problem!
Then, there was Eddie from Edgewater. He was in retail sales—very successful. But his profile. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie: The most influential person in your life simply, truly, honestly, surely cannot be your 10-year old son. Commendable and all that you think so highly of him, and that he matters so much to you, and I'm sure he's one swell kid, but unless he's Mother Theresa and Albert Schweitzer all rolled into one, I think he cannot be the most influential person in your life. Living OR dead. Could he? I guess I will never know.
Then, there was Al in Arlington. Al was an all-right guy. Entrepreneur. Very successful. Ready to move on to things more important than "just making money." Yeees! I truly admire that. Al wants more out of life ... Such as? Well, Al's favorite pastimes are 1) golf, and 2) watching sports on TV. Now, I've always wanted to learn how to play golf. But I didn't go and mention it 75 times on my profile. Dating Al: Welcome to golf and football widowhood. Why even start?
So, e-harmony, I took my membership off auto-renew today. It was hard (for you), but just like ripping off a bandaid, the pain only lasts a minute. No grudges, no hard feelings. I'm moving on ... to match.com!
Jeanne (Back in Bethesda)