Monday, May 21, 2007

It's Not Me, It's You

Before I commence with the whining, go congratulate Mark who just ran an amazing marathon! And aj, who just kicked ass in her first duathlon!

OK, enough about them, back to me:

It's week ten of no running, and I see the doc on Thursday to either hear "all cleared for takeoff," or "you're benched for another two weeks." Or ten. Or whatever.

I'm having a great ol' time being depressed. (I am well aware that there are people with real problems. Honest. But I'm going to bleat for a while here.)

My 10k group ended, where I wasn't a runner but played one every Saturday. So I'm feeling rudderless on Saturday mornings. I should revel in being able to sleep til noon, but I kind of got in a routine. I kind of got in a routine of getting up and running and what if I lose it? What if these two years just vanish? What if I let my newfound fitness slip away? (yes, I know: other people, real problems. war, famine, cancer, etc.). Do you know how many years I was unfit?? Many. It's scary.

I've pretty much convinced myself I'll either a) never be able to run again, or b) have to start with the walk one minute/run one minute thing, or c) my doctor will tell me on Thursday that I am benched for another two weeks. I call it "premature depression." I like to get depressed about stuff that hasn't happened yet. It saves time.

I have put on a happy (sort of) face for ten weeks, but time's up and now I'm feeling good and sorry for myself, unlike some people I know, who can laugh through anything, and bring the rest of us along for the ride.

Other crap that is happening:
A friend from another department got promoted and is now working under me. It's tough when a friend becomes an employee. I'll just leave it at that. Really tough.

My highly underpaid coach will be moving to the west coast soon. Some of you know that until a few weeks ago, in real life Bex and I worked together (in different departments, so I could freely bitch, moan and complain to her. Oh the joy!) So that's another loss. We were also in the same bell choir, where she had the pleasure of elbowing me every time my ONE note rolled around. Two weeks ago she played the prelude and postlude at my church.

She's a classy dame.

There have been some other radical changes at work: 14 people were laid off, some of them good friends for years.

And, as a side affect, my workload has increased. So I'm working 10-11 hour days again (bleat bleat, moan, bitch). I can't keep up with the fun stuff that I do. Cannot. Keep. Up.

Like I've been trying to update my profile for weeks and I can't even get that done. (Not like I care!) So I'm sure I'll die alone, surrounded by cats. (Of course that would require getting a cat.) So I'll be 49 on forever, apparently. (Eh, maybe not entirely a bad thing.) Of course, you have to actually pay to play over on, and I haven't been willing to shell out the big bucks after all the fun I had with e-harmony, not once but twice.

Plus, my bathroom ceiling is falling down because of my upstairs neighbors who haven't fixed their leaky pipes in two years, requiring me to confront the owner who doesn't even live there. His MAID and her family live there, rent free!! As if!!

I just need a little help:


Laurie said...

Bleat all you want. You have valid reasons to do so. It is all relative and this is your reality.

I will be thinking happy running/doctor thoughts for you!

peter said...

Well, Bex's recital was nice. And nice pix you took! I'm impressed you do e.harmony? Way too technical for a luddite like me. You were a heckuva a 10K Administrator for all those happy runners in the 10K Group who just ran the last Capitol Hill Classic 10K that will run down then up Capitol Hill hill in the last mile (I did it, it was hard!). Yes, another casualty of the interminable war on terror, can't run completely around the Capitol anymore, course changes coming up. Jeanne, you'll be running soon, and be glad for it, whether it be 2 or 6 weeks. See you at the finish line at Army (actually not, I'll be at Chicago that day, but I know you'll be ready for it!). I can't wait til you hit the trails again.

21stCenturyMom said...

No Mother's Little Helper for you, Missy!

Are you still walking? Walking is good. Walking promotes fitness and helps maintain it. Running is not the be all and end all. Keep walking and all will be well and your Doctor WILL clear you soon - I can feel it from here.

Second - if your neighbors are so rich they can put the maid up in a condo then you need to extract some of that money from them. Get a smarmy lawyer and go for a 'pain and suffering' lawsuit. Certainly worrying about the pain and suffering of the ceiling coming down on your head must count for something.

Hang in there. Yes - other people have it worse but you deserve to bitch with impunity. Just stay off the sauce so that when you are cleared for exercise you can get back to the business of running. It will happen!

LBTEPA said...

Mate, you're scaring me ((HUGS))
and you keep talking about whining as though it was a bad thing?????
Katy lives in Brisbane, they're all cheerful there, it's the weather!
(((((MORE HUGS))))

Jon (was) in Michigan said...

Holy crap!

OK, life over there is the giant suck-o-rama right now that's for certain.

First, the doc isn't until thursday so burn that bridge when you get to it.

Second, are you paid on salary? If you are then be very happy about that job because let me tell you, commission work sucks giant buffalo balls.

Third, coworker now works under you? That does suck. But I've seen the same thing happen where I used to work and people somehow deal with it. I knew a guy who worked for his wife and they somehow managed to do very well (even though she beat him mercilessly at work).

Fourth, Bex is moving? I totally missed that one. Please do something to stop her.

Fifth, I have friends who met on and got married and just had their first baby. I think it can work. Is it alot of money? Maybe its worth it to cough it up. Is it cheaper than buying a cat?

Sixth, I'm sorry everything is caving in on you like this. You don't deserve it. You're a good person and you shouldn't be dumped on, especially when the world is full of crappy jackasses that definately deserve a good dumping.


Bolder said...

that's some tough sledding...

hope you get the all clear.

a.maria said...

ok well the good thing is... good times and crummy times kinda come in waves.

you've GOTTA be at the end of your crummy times wave. ya know? got-ta.

we're all keeping our fingers crossed you can get out there and run again very very soon!

but the pre-depression thing!? i have that.

i'm currently really disappointed/sad about my latest rejection from a guy who's not yet rejected me.

we need help. in the form of margaritas!

Susan said...

Ick! Poor Jeanne. I understand.

But on the flip side, eharmony landed me a husband!

And margaritas also sound good!

Neese said...

we need a mediation/yoga retreat :)

Phoenix said...

I met Hubby on Little bug in your ear.

Everything else - massive suckage and I'm sorry for it.

I am sending positive, healing, kicking the ass of the leaky ceiling neighbor, pina colada clif bloks type vibes your way. They should be reaching you right. about . . . NOW! There, don't you feel better?

Lara said...

Peace and love on ya Jeanne. I fully expect your pendulum to swing - fingers and toes crossed that it all starts with a good news doc visit on Thursday!

Firefly's Running said...

((jeanne)) Hang in there!

Just12Finish said...

All good (and bad) things must come to an end ... it's the law of nature or something like that. It'll happen.

Anne said...

We've all been there, some of us more recently than others. It will get better, if only because it just has to. It's just a total mess when both work and home life suck at the same time. Ask me how I know!

Dori said...

You'll get by with a little help from your friends. :-)

OK, you have been walking, so that counts for a lot. There's such a thing as muscle memory and you'll be back to your fabulous shape in no time.

Bummer about your friends. That's tough to have Bex leave and co-workers laid off. Hang in there; it will get better.

Hilarious Utube movie. I remember when the song first came out, the "little yellow pill" sounded suspiciously like the birth control pill. Those Rolling Stones were such scandalous lads!

Bex said...

Oh, my god! I just saw this post (I know, been too busy to keep up) and saw the piano photos! Very cool! But now I have to go and change the the piano photos I posted.

As for work: You know how I feel about that one. I really want to start my own business. Want to join me?!