So I joined a very popular internet dating service associated with an upscale online magazine that shall remain nameless, and have had two nibbles that haven't gone anywhere. OK, no problem. (Or, as Number One Daughter, living in Espana would say, "no problem-o!!" Sidebar: Today she taught me how to say "vomit" in Spanish. But I digress.)
So, this online dating thing involves "winking" at people who you think look interesting. Today, I got a "wink" from a dude who filled out his profile thusly [my comments in upper...i'm pretty sure you can tell which comments are mine):
# The last great book I read
mark twain short stories. [SO FAR, SO GOOD.]
# Favorite on-screen sex scene
I don't particulary like on screen sex scenes..porn occasionally..mickey rourke and whats her name were pretty good in angel heart.
And I love Carol Baker...(baby doll) [OH, I LIKE HOW YOU SLIPPED THE PORN THING IN THERE! VERY IMPRESSED! But please, learn how to spell!]
# The celebrity I resemble the most
robert Downey jr [MY BUTT!]
# If I could be anywhere right now
I would be walking down the city street, maybe smoking a cigarette, with you. [SMOKING? Did this man actually say SMOKING?? WITH ME?? HA HA HA HA]
# Five items I can't live without
I actually could live with out any of these (excepting oxygen, food, shelter) but I am playing along. [LUCKY ME]
Musical instrument (preferrably guitar or piano ..or
Court Tv (pop culture tv) King of the Hill [UM, YUCK??? DID YOU READ MY PROFILE? NPR? MASTERPIECE THEATER? THEATER???]
excitement (horse racing) [OK, YOU'RE A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER.]
# In my bedroom one will find...
Laptop, cat. journal, music, filth. [FILTH? DID THIS PERSON JUST TELL ME I WOULD FIND FILTH IN HIS BEDROOM?? CUZ THAT CAN MEAN SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS.]
# The word or phrase that best describes my personality
Way up beat, compassionate, creative, sardonic. [JACKASS???]
I dunno. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I should date a porn-watching smoker, living in filth (or reading it, hard to tell his meaning) who likes his ponies and his mindless sitcoms.
On the other hand?