Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Matchmaker Matchmaker

Yes, friends, it's that time of year again.

Maybe it's the air ... maybe, in this particular case, it's the pollen. Who knows? Who cares?

This is the exact text of an e-mail from a potential match, via match.com. For which I was again suckered into handing over my hard-earned dough.

Here we go. Are you ready?

60-year-old man (Note: my range is now 45-75)
Seeks women 42-54 (well, of course he would, wouldn't he?)

<Start wooing here>
A lady recovering from an illnes [sic] wrote about her pumpkins that she had grown from seed:

"Butterflies, thick as confetti, float there each day -- sometimes I wear them in my hair. I am amazed at the music a gentle rain can make on the wide leaves, and I feel tender toward the wrens that bathe in the water that pools in the hollow heart of each one. I have stood there in the garden with the new dog at nightfall, her pale fur sequined with fireflies, watching bats swoop and listening to the scurryings of mice while the blue moonlight licks at the round white fruit that might someday sit lit in a window on Halloween. And I feel hope for the future in a way I have not for a long, long time."

Now that is prose -Wow!

We seem to share many traits - I would have to meet you to see if there is chemistry.. I am afraid I can bicycle well still but am not as good at running as I used to be.. (no dogs any more - I use to run ahead and jump the creek and hide - and they would play and come and "find")

[name redacted]


I swear I am not making this up. I mean, who could?

It's lovely and all...there is a certain sweetness...but, um, SAY WHAT? Pumpkins? And yes, we actually would have to meet. Eventually. Or, I suppose we could get engaged after this one e-mail. It's possible!

Speechless in Bethesda


Plods said...

He sounds great! Did you see his pic?

David said...

I call anybody a fraud who says they see fireflies anymore. They went out with the dodo.

Sounds too dreamy to me. Where's the combative dialogue like some bloggers tend to dish out to keep you on the straight and narrow?

Who me?

Maybe I'm just jealous.

LBTEPA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thomas said...

Something tells me you are not entirely enthralled just yet.

Laufenweg said...

i found this lovely article in the washington post on line, dated august 9, 2007. page B03.

see http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/08/AR2007080802289.html

written by jena lee frazier, silver spring, md

Laurie said...

I'm speechless too. And a bit creeped out but that's just me.

21stCenturyMom said...

I'm halfway between woooo and whoa!

Why didn't he just stick with his won words? He wrote a nice email.

Anyhow - writing a nice email and being able to keep up a conversation are 2 different things so meet you must. No harm, no foul. Just make sure it is an incredibly convenient for you meeting and that the worst it will cost you is a cup of coffee and an hour.

Good luck!

ps- my new age range is 79 - 90, rich and very close to death, with no heirs. ha hahaha... just kidding!

21stCenturyMom said...

ps - I saw thousands of fireflies in Illinois. Not extinct at all. David just needs to get out and play more.

Phoenix said...

I'm not sure if I'm disturbed or inspired. You have to meet him! IN PUBLIC!!! FOR COFFEE ONLY!!!!!

Then post so we can all either adore or make fun of him.

Anonymous said...

I believe I wrote similar "prose" as an assignment in fourth grade English class where it was mandatory to include two descriptive adjectives before each noun or pronoun. The fact that he found this compelling tells me he is a)a retired grammar school English teacher...which could be a good thing considering your love of reading and writing. 2) He has not progressed mentally or emotionally beyond 4th grade...which could be a good thing ONLY if he inherited a large fortune that he needs help in spending.
Meet the guy!! If you don't like him you can easily run from him...unless of course he's on his bicycle!
Oh, I love this time of year! Thank you match.com!

jeanne said...

you people are ... impossible!!:)

Paul Hyland said...

Try SpringStreet (Salon/Onion/Nerve etc.) Possibly a more literary(ate) crowd? But you'll not find any more specific advice in this comment....

Anonymous said...

This fellow did NOT write this.

Anonymous said...

I know two people who met online, enjoyed each other's sentence construction, and are now married. Very smart people I might add. Just my two cents. -A.

Anonymous said...

i also know two people who met on line....and are happily married. i'm just saying!

Susan said...

I am impressed!

As I have stated before, I met my husband online -- and he was one smooth typer!

Bex said...

Errr ... he sounds a bit twee. I picture him with a garland of flowers in his hair, skipping down a primrose path. And the prose is a bit .... much. But that's just me. Meet him. And yes, for coffee only, in a public place. If possible, get photos!

Nancy Toby said...

I'm late on this, but amazed that no one has stated the obvious.

The guy is fucking insane.

Just so's you know.

LBTEPA said...


a.maria said...

you're not meeting him. he's weird and if peeps are telling you to meet him.. then.. they are weird too.


Vickie said...

Um, yeah. I would definitely not find this cute or sweet. Living in a dream world. Insane IS the word. I picture this guy as someone you would never get rid of if you dared chance a meet-up.

IHateToast said...

you need to talks to me, bebby. i was queen of match and matchmaker, youdate and enything else that offered a free trial.

you need a dummy you. trust me. we talks.

Dori said...

I think you should change your range--19-25 would get you more hardbodies. :-)

I don't know what's the matter with men who can't date women their own age.

21stCenturyMom said...

So? What did you do? I decided this morning that I am bound and determined to get an internet date this weekend. Now I just have to post a picture and a profile. And I will be using my own words.

vibram said...

Whoa! this is really nice! thanks for this! :)