Friday, March 17, 2006

Perfect

Do you ever have the feeling that you wish things could just stay as they are, exactly as they are, right this minute?

I've been feeling that way lately.

My job is great because ... it has a great running trail behind it (God help me if that's the primary reason) ... I love the people I work with (most days) ... it's good work. I've made peace with where I live. It's small, which I've grown to appreciate. It's close to work, to a great city, and to nature. I have good friends who are loads of fun. I love my bell-ringing class (go ahead, laugh). I love my meditation class, my Bikram class. I love my church. It's filled with people who care about me deeply. I love my demanding training schedule (sort of). I have one of the greatest kids on earth.

Things are perfect right now.

Of course, the reality is that my life is far from perfect. I have the elderly parent situation; I am in too much debt. I'd love to meet someone to share my life with. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and I'm always one step away from major back problems.

Still, I want to hang on to the way life is right now. Because even though it's not perfect, it's feeling pretty damn good.

So, of course, I have this subtle uneasiness. Because, of course, life is ephemeral and the truth is, of course, things won't stay the same. How could they? People move on. Jobs change. I'll fall off the training wagon.

I feel like if I could just hold my breath hard enough, I could make the world stand still.

It's not a bad feeling, this whole gratitude thing. You should try it.

11 comments:

21st Century Mom said...

Having a good time in life is good. Try using that yoga breathing and enjoying it. You deserve it!

angie's pink fuzzy said...

Oh, I definitely get that feeling. It invariably is followed by some sort of something down. But I've learned that just because life ebbs and flows doesn't mean I can't enjoy the flow. So, enjoy the flow, knowing the ebb will come, but it's all okay, right now, in this moment, and that's a beautiful gift.

Anne said...

I know what you mean -- wanting to live in the moment, because it's a good one, and also realizing that it's just that, a moment. I think it gets worse as we age because we know it won't last, that life isn't static -- people at work change; neighbors move in or out; cities either improve or degrade over time; etc.

Enjoy the hear and now while you can.

*jeanne* said...

That sounds great.
After being a pretty miserable and depressed teen and young 20-something, I suddenly found myself just pretty much HAPPY from day to day. No great acting success, no great (Ha-ha-ha-ha, more like one nightmare after another!) romance in my life...but I was happy. I was fitting into my own life, in a way I could enjoy.

It was an eye-opener.

Then I fell in love & it all went to hecht's...

But I'm doin' good now, too.

Nice, huh? Even as surprising as it is!

a.maria said...

mm, yes, to delight in a moment of pure bliss and relish the feeling of calm.... things we dont do enough...

just remember this feeling in a few weeks when you break a nail and have a bad hair day... its hard to remember the good times, so easy to recall the bad...

but, then again, it'd be hard to appreciate the good, without the bad...

so. cherish it all. cuz its all yours, and it is what you make of it!

and ring those bells with pride i say.

NOD and i will just be in the back, pointing and laughing, if you need us!!! ;)

tallgirl said...

Wow Jeanne.
This is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. Seriously.

It inspired me to make a list of things that I'm grateful for so that I can look at it when I'm down.

You're on it.

Thank you.

Bex said...

Great post! I need to make a list. right now. B/c things aren't looking so great.

KT said...

Fabulous post. My hairdresser/spiritual adviser always says "happiness is a choice," and gratitude is a big part of that. Thanks for the good dash of positive energy!

David said...

Don't worry. Be happy.
Aren't there any "life sharing" candidates at the church? That would be a good thing for ringing bells.

Rae said...

Great post! I struggle with being happy with what I have all the time. Yesterday I decided I am going to start the week out today with a good attitude so that's just what I needed to read this a.m.

GraceD said...

Thank you for this lovely and gentle reminder.

Gratitude. Yes. Me too. With every single running step I take.