Thursday, July 09, 2009

I Am a Moron

On the schedule: Wednesday night track workout, with the D.C. Road Runners: 10x400, with 100 recovery, which, with a 1 mile warmup and 1 mile cooldown, would give me a nice 5 miles.

I haven't been on the track in <cough> weeks, so I was a little worried. Ten repeats? Really? Maybe I could shoot for five and see if I'm coughing up a lung.

I met up with my New Triathlon Program mentee, who is two years my senior (yes, you read that right), and runs 7 minute miles. Yes, I'm mentoring her. Don't ask.

She agreed to pace me to hit my target 400 time, 2:16-2:22, based on the handy McMillan running calculator.

Off we go! Whee! I am FEELING GOOD!

First 400: 2:22

Perfect.

2nd 400: 2:03

Damn! But, OK, that was a total fluke. No way did I just run an 8 minute mile.

3rd 400: 1:58

What??! I'm not even out of breath! I must be in way better shape than I thought.

4th 400: 2:01

OK, I am in AWESOME SHAPE. I can do 10 of these standing on my head. I'm barely sweating! I am en fuego.

5th 400: 1:55 I am seriously not even trying. Have I finally conquered running?? I RULE!

And that's when my mentee and I split up, so she could, as she colloquially put it, "Challenge myself a little bit."

No problem.

I'm amazed I managed to carry on a conversation. How is that possible?? In fact, I vaguely recall um, being unbelievably annoyed by peeps chatting on the track. "If you're chatting, you ain't working!"

So, you know where this is going, right?

6th 400: 1:55 God, I'm so consistent!

7th 400: 1:5...wait a minute....how come I'm starting and ending at the exact same place even though I have 100 recovery in between? How is that possible??? [Wheels start slowly turning as brain processes question. And...cue lightbulb.]

ARE YOU ON CRACK? HELLO????

YOU ARE DOING 300s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU DID NOT SUDDENLY START RUNNING 8 MINUTE MILES!!!!

Nevermind 10x400, you need 10xdopeslap!

8th 400: 2:22 Ah, yes, this suddenly feels harder. And familiar.

9th 400: 2:34 Oh HOW THE MIGHTY FALL.

10th 400: 2:23 Le sigh.

In my defense, if I hadn't broken my NO TALKING rule, I would have been paying attention, and I would have realized that if you run 400, with 100 recovery, it's not really possible, mathematically, physically, or on any other plane of existence, to start and end at the same place.

Oh yes, you want ME as your MENTOR.

Sign up here.

19 comments:

LBTEPA said...

Rolling on floor laughing now !

Thomas said...

You just had me laughing out loud, here in the middle of the office.

Good thing my boss is on vacation.

Gina said...

That was HILARIOUS, Jeanne! Thank you - I needed to laugh this morning. That was so funny... :)

BettyBetty said...

very funny - I would love to have a mentor like you! Much easier work outs!

Kelly said...

Wow, I'm laughing, but I have to say I have SOOO been there.

And I actually just did the SAME thing on my bike the other day. I couldn't figure out why my math said I was riding 30 mph. Then I realized I wasn't doing 1-mile intervals, I was doing 1/2-mile intervals with 1/2-mile rest. Woops!

Catharine said...

I love it! Thanks for a great laugh. I thought you were going to say you were on a short track.

Kahnee said...

Hahaha... All i can do is laugh!

Judi said...

awesome! thanks for the lol's!

Runner Susan said...

we'd be good on the track together!

Petraruns said...

I LOVE YOU!

David said...

ROFL is exactly what I was thinking before I hit the comment button. You crazy lady.

21stCenturyMom said...

hahahahaha....... sounds like something I would do only I would NEVER figure out the part about not starting and stopping in the same place. That's because I never go to the track so you're way ahead of me.

ps - how come Ms. Speedy didn't figure that out?

jeanne said...

TCM: Oh she did figure it out. She told me afterwards. She thought it was good for my confidence. :) ha.

peter said...

Great job!

Jank said...

AWESOME.

ShirleyPerly said...

Ha! I'd figured that you just ran 50 yards in the reverse direction and then 50 yards back to the starting point to be able to start/finish in the place every time. Silly me!

But you get an "A" for effort :-)

Black Knight said...

Very very funny, thanks for the laugh.

Dori said...

Hilarious. I've been there, too many times, thinking I'm in such awesome shape and then realizing I was doing half the distance. Glad I'm not the only one metrically challenged. :-)

Vickie said...

Sounds like the time I did my first track workout, doing "mile" repeats before my first race. I was pleasantly surprised to be running 8 min. miles, only to find out--after the race--that that particular track is FIVE laps to a mile, not the FOUR I was doing. Ate humble pie. Did not run 8 min. miles in the race. Barely did 9s.