Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Mom the Non-Planner

Hello good friends.

Many of you will have heard by now that my mother died last Friday, Oct. 24. Her funeral is Monday, Nov. 3, in West Virginia.

I don't think I can begin to express the depths of my appreciation to everyone who has written or called to express condolences, but I will try to thank you all individually.

Is it crass to notify people via blogger and Facebook? Maybe, but since that's where so many of my closest, dearest friends (some of whom I've never met) "live," that's where I chose to tell people.

Meanwhile, there is much family drama. Which, if you know anything about my family, you would expect. So far it's been at turns exceptionally painful, sad, hilarious, trying, infuriating, enraging, and so ridiculous that I fear no one will ever believe it. (If you ever watched "Six Feet Under," you have some small idea of the funeral home in West Virginia, just for starters. But that's actually one of the better parts to the saga.) I was allowed no role at all in planning her funeral, because of her manipulative control freak husband, and she is not being buried where she wished (hence the title of this post). Believe me, this is the ultimate exercise in letting go and letting God (please pardon the cliche).

I am trying valiantly to keep up some kind of exercise regimen because it is keeping me (somewhat) sane.

I returned to Bethesda this past Monday, went to work, but am taking Friday off to go to the beach with a friend for a day of rest and restorative yoga before traveling back for the funeral.

Meanwhile,

I KEEP FAITH

33 comments:

BettyBetty said...

Hang in there. It is amazing how people can change or just get worse over something like funerals and wills. You would think it would bring people together not apart. I haven't spoken to a brother and my sister since my Father's estate was settled. I was the administrator and our attorney warned me of this phenomena. All you can do is let your voice be heard and then you'll know that under the circumstances you did the best you could for your Mother.

LBTEPA said...

Thoughts and prayers to you my friend ((hugs))

Dori said...

Oh Jeanne, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's tragic that at this time of sadness, you have to deal with BS issues. I hope that you will find peace soon. Reciting the Serenity Prayer helps me when I'm struggling:
God, Grant me the serenity
To Accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Laurie said...

I am so sorry to hear the news. Take care of yourself and know I am thinking of you and your family.

Thomas said...

I'm so sorry, Jeanne, I cannot express it in words.

Hang in there. And keep doing things that keep you sane.

Nora said...

I am so sorry you have to deal with drama. This might sound silly, but maybe you can bury something of hers that was special to her, or a picture, unofficially in the area where she wanted to rest. It would be symbolic, yes, but maybe that could help to bring peace. Maybe?

Hugs and thoughts of peace.

Black Knight said...

Very very sorry for the terrible loss. Now she is in heaven and thinks of you. A big hugh

Anne said...

I'm very sorry that you have to go through that. It's so common, though. My father-in-law left no formal plans and told each child what they wanted to hear, which created such hostility and hurt feelings that 10 years later the children don't speak to each other, and likely never will. Maybe if more parents knew the destruction they leave behind by not putting their last wishes in writing, more would do so.

Again, I'm sorry...I know what you're going through.

Runner Susan said...

Hang in there Jeanne, I do know one thing for sure - you'll be the best dressed! (shh, our secret) Hugs for you and your family.

Lesser is More said...

So sorry to hear the news. My condolences to you and your family.

Helen said...

Oh goodness. I've always said that funerals and weddings bring out the worst in every family. I'm very sorry to hear about your drama but glad to hear that you are doing things for yourself to keep your sanity. Blessings to you as you put your mother to rest.

Susan said...

Oh gosh I am so sorry. And I certainly understand family drama!

21stCenturyMom said...

Oh man - I forgot about the stupid husband. I was more concerned about your brother. There is certainly nothing more disrespectful than ignoring someone's last wishes. What an asshat.

I think at some point, just because you'll never deal with this man again, you respond to his bullheadedness by screming "BUT SHE WAS MY MOTHER!" right in his face. He deserves that and you deserve to let off the steam. Then you can go back to the letting go.

21stCenturyMom said...

geez - think I got a little angry at your plight? Please forgive the crazy typos. I'm hurting with you a little bit right now.

ShirleyPerly said...

So sorry you have to deal with the extra stress during what is already a very difficult time. I relied heavily on running when my dad died to keep me sane. Hopefully it will help you too. (Big hug)

Judi said...

Hang in there honey. We're all thinking about you. Stay strong and stay tough and God Bless.

Judi

IHateToast said...

thinking about you.

BreezieGirl said...

Thoughts and prayers...

MJ said...

J - I'm so sorry for your loss. This type of situation only adds to your pain since you can feel prevented from doing what you know she wanted. But please believe that she knows you tried, and that you were thinking of her desires first. Hugs, thoughts and prayers....

David said...

Nasty business, this living and dying. Why can't it be just living? and living large?
Hang strong and just know weird things will happen. If you accpe that your blood pressure will stay calm.

eileen said...

What a beautiful suggestion, Nora. Jeanne, your mother is resting in peace now; wherever her body rests. You tried. Most important: YOU are a great Mom.

Xena said...

Breakfast at Tiffany's trainer session when you get back.

Rich said...

Oh Jeanne, I'm so sorry to hear the news. Your family is in my prayers. Take care of yourself.

Mrs. Duffy said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Here's to less drama... and keeping up the exercise / therapy.

*hugs*

Rainmaker said...

I'm sorry Jeanne. I've got you and your family in my thoughts.

aliariadne said...

sorry to hear your sad news. keep on running...it'll keep you sane!

peter said...

Hang in there, Jeanne! Letting go is letting go, just as you're doing.

Vickie said...

Sorry to hear of your mom's passing. You're probably at the funeral right now. Never an easy time, and especially it sounds like things were not done in a way you think she would have liked. Can't really say it gets better before it gets worse, but hopefully not much worse.

monicac2 said...

I am so sorry for your loss!

Jade Lady said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Take care. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Sunshine said...

So sorry sorry sorry.
Blessings be with you.

Rae said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope your family is doing better, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Jack said...

Oh wow, what a time for me to be behind in my blogging, sorry to hear about YOUR mom. My mom passed on two days before yours. Although we will miss our moms we have no choice but to accept the fact and try to get on with our lives. Mom's have a way of remaining in residence in our heart's, we will never truly be without them!