Monday, January 08, 2007

No, No, No, No, No, No, No



Dear New Instructor:

When I go to your strength-training class, new instructor, at 6 a.m., I most assuredly can practically guarantee you, indeed I will swear on a Bible, that I will not want to be doing any clapping (as in two hands slapping together in time) to your cheesy, fake work-out music.

Not at any point during the entire one-hour we had the pleasure of spending together this morning.

Also, if I cannot do one push-up properly, what makes you think that doing 74 more the same wrong way is going to accomplish anything except piss me off?? And the flying from one exercise to another, solely because you are a bouncy, perky, young thing and you think that fast and faster are what matters in strength training (not!) plus you seem to be living in an 80's time-warp, or maybe you just watched too many Jane Fonda videos ... ?

Um, where was I?

My favorite part is when you had us march around the room.

In time to the music.

No. N-O. So no.

I want my old instructor back.

Please.

Yours (not-in-leg-warmers),

jeanne

23 comments:

21st Century Mom said...

Feel the burn......

David said...

That's heartburn!
Who let Jane in the house?
Where's Waldo?
Why are you doing this?
Are you still off the sugar or are you always this cranky?

Just12Finish said...

Well, no wonder you have such a crappy attitude. Everyone knows Olivia Newton John is who you need to get physcial with, not Fonda!

Anita said...

Oh. My. Gosh.
There are so many things wrong about this whole ugly episode. 6:00 a.m. Clapping. Marching. Pushups. Wrong wrong wrong.

susie said...

Oh my gosh. I haven't thought about old Jane in years. That's too much excitement in the am, even for me.

IHateToast said...

tell me that it's not a les mills's thing. i hate those.
so, rented that jamie curtis movie?

Elizabeth said...

::hanging head in shame::

um, you just described the group exercise classes i taught up until a year ago. my catch phrase that i found myself saying about every 10 seconds? "you're breathing!"

that's so embarrassing!

Laurie said...

I've never understood morning people. A morning person as an aerobics instructor? That is pure torture.

I can't help but laugh at Elizabeth's comment!

Bolder said...

i'm surprised there wasn't just a plain old homicide...

or, at least a group lynching...

or, ...

LBTEPA said...

marching? Clapping? (at the same time?)
apart from that being a hilarious visual, that's just RUDE.
Have her killed.

WannaBe5Ker said...

I would have barfed. So wrong.

Kilo said...

Ha! That's funny. So common, and so wrong indeed. Are you going back?

jeanne said...

oh elizabeth. you were younger then. you didn't know. go, and sin no more.

you people are maniacs. homicides, barfing, contract killings.

What would I do without you?

(Kilo: no, I daresay I won't be going back to that particular class. Unless I'm really desperate for another blog entry.)
:)

Irene said...

Loved this post! It's too early for perky! I would have died laughing... Happy running.

Lora said...

The 80's are back in style...have you seen all the teenagers in cut off tights with big tops???

Who says we learn from our mistakes????

Jenny said...

LOL! Why must they try to make us clap?!! When will they learn?

Rizza said...

Is it just me or are these types of people the human equivalent to a chihuahua? Often small (or at least thin), slightly annoying, often worked up about something far too often and far too early, and the cause of this hysteria is usually absolutely baffling to a sane person.

Jeanne: "Wait ... You want me to count and run in a circle? It's 6 am. I'm not even sure what my own name is right now."

PerkMonster: "C'mon! You're alive! It's beautiful to be alive! You can do it! You can do one more! one more! yeah! yip! Clap clap! Yip! 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2! Yeah! Yip Yip! Yip! YIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIP! YIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIP!!!!"

Jeanne (internal monologue): "Ok, PerkMonster, I'll play your game and run in circles, but I am SO going to savage you on my blog for months on end."

Think about it, Jeanne. This is a gift from the gods for cranky morning people like us ... now you'll have dozens of humorous stories for whenever you're having a slow blog day. See? Silver lining!

RunningJayhawk said...

Oh man. It's funny cause it's true. :)

a.maria said...

i'm with ryan. perky morning people are the spawn of the devil.

:)

Donald said...

Oh my gosh - have you heard the Mickey Avalon song "Do the Jane Fonda?" Maybe that's the vibe she's going for. Otherwise ... nope, too scary to consider.

*jeanne* said...

LOL!

Ah, me, oh, my, do I remember the BURN!

miss petite america said...

omg! are you serious?! how did you NOT erupt in laughter? i would have PAID to see that class. including the airfare to get out there!

Bob said...

It's so funny A loves the Woo woo stuff at the local Y step arobics class. You could not pay me to shout out woo during a workout. Too funny, thanks for the smile.