Friday, May 12, 2006

Too Much

Thanks everyone for your well wishes for my leisurely weekend run rocket-launch race this weekend! And thanks to first-place Susie for sending me good vibes and peeps!

I read something in a yoga magazine the other day that stuck with me. It was about dealing with conflicts. The gist was this:
Before you speak, or send off that self-righteous e-mail, or leave a not-so-nice comment, or totally bitch out that salesperson, ask yourself these three questions:
1. Is what you are about to say right?
2. Is what you are about to say necessary?; and the kicker;
3. Is what you are about say kind?

I am one who often finds I need to back away from the computer, particularly if there is something happening, let's just say as a for instance on some high school crew team that I started, but am now no longer part of, where let's say some youngster is getting publicly humiliated by his coach via an e-mail list.

I cannot stand it when people use their positions of "power" to belittle those with no power. So, I hit that send key and told this coach what I thought. Privately, but too harshly.

It was right. It was necessary. But it surely wasn't kind.

Substitute your own current conflict. Work, home, complaining to your condo management office, for another hypothetical instance, or my fav, the bank. These three little questions can make you stop and, perhaps, revise how you might say that thing that it is right and necessary to say.

It never hurts to be kind.

I will have plenty of opportunity to practice this advice, as Number One Daughter returns for the summer on Saturday. I'm driving to pick her up tomorrow, so will be offline (gasp!) for two days. Meanwhile, I hope someone out there likes loves ADORES Billy Bragg as much as I do.


a.maria said...

lol. yeah. i should remember those three things when dealing with co-workers.


have fun with the daughter! and your RACE!

Bob said...

Nice thoughts jeanne, I am somewhat the opposite, too nice. Maybe it's not such a bad trait.

21st Century Mom said...

Those are excellent words of wisdom. The other one I've read (from Peace is Every Step) is that when you are angry, inhale and exhale 3 times and make sure you smile while you exhale. It really does help.

May the Zen of running visit your fleet feet for your race!

21st Century Mom said...

Oh - and I'm just getting to know Billy Bragg - I'll get back to you on that.

tallgirl said...

Love BB!!!
Love Love Love Love Love
And don't forget who introduced you to him!! ;-)
Great song. Goes along with what I learned in the LA Times the other day: Sex is essential, kids aren't

Truer words...

Jessi said...

OK I am about to say something that might be very unpopular... but perhaps if you answer kindly :) you can turn a somewhat... harsh person (that would be me) into a nicer person.

I agree with your 3 steps, and I think they make sense in many situations. However, would you agree that there are certain situations where being kind reduces the impact of your message? Where you need to be stern and harsh, because otherwise they might not understand how serious/upset/angry you are?

Lennard said...

If you are learning how to run I can give some advice. It is the lighter side of running. Running for the sake of running! Forget PB's, PR's and all that other nonsense. Just run! Check out my blog

jeanne said...

Tallgirl: YOU GET ALL THE CREDIT for my b.b. crush!! ALL. THE. CREDIT.

and Jessi: I think your point is well-taken. I could have expounded more, but didn't want to put people totally to sleep! I don't think kind is the opposite of stern. I think (in my situation, and FOR ME often) I tend to crush a person's psyche unnecessarily. It seems to me that I can get better results by injecting some kindness into the situation--yet still be firm and communicate my unhappiness/anger whatever. (and btw, i can't actually DO this, I just thought it made sense! For me.) :)

angie's pink fuzzy said...

I firmly believe that one can be kind and still get the point across that one is seriously upset with the situation!

Thanks for the reminder of kindness, and good luck/have fun this weekend!!!

Scott said...

Good luck on your 10K. Susie made me do it.

Bex said...

In high school, my South African, anti-apartheid long-distance boyfriend introduced me to Billy Bragg. Made me want to learn how to play the acoustic guitar. I've been a fan of him ever since.

Good luck on Sunday! I'll be cheering you on!

Bex said...

Forgot to add, two of the best acoustic songs ever:
The Milkman of Human Kindess
A New England
courtesy of our man billy

Rae said...

Hmmmm....whoever wrote that article has a)never run in my suburban hell and b)never been tortured by JoDee Freakin' Messina's army.

runr53 said...

A lesson we ALL need to relearn constantly I'm sure! I read this after I had a less than kind conversation with a "customer service", hehe, person from one of those big wireless companies, they shall remain nameless but their color theme is yellow, this morning! I ihave somewhat low blood pressure anyway but when my BP goes up to when I feel throbbing in my ears, its too high! Thanks for makng me feel like a heel, hehe!

Thomas said...

Good Luck with your race. If you're as weel prepared as Susie thinks you are, you will have a hell od a race!

Anonymous said...

Well said.
Good luck in your race, and with your two days offline.